unexpected Thursday

Typically Thursdays are my least fav day of the week.I work on Th and the office stays open until 6. That last hour is by far the longest hour of the week. But, today Mom and Dad are down and out with a stomach bug. Hence, my jeans, ponytail, and leisurely 8;30 posting from my blackberry, in a rocker, rocking the Luke. Relaxation and leisure come with a price. There are a few backside details you should know.

1. I have been unreliable at work for a year and 4 months.I am actually only part time
, Now. That benefits the practice and definitely me. We could never afford full time childcare. I don't think my state of mind could afford. It either.
A. I had a difficult pregnancy and was out for a while.
B. Our loyal and wonderful, almost-a-grandmother passed away from heinous all consuming cancer- no back up sitter.
C. My parents are busy people I am privileged to have them are for my kids. When they cannot- that is that.

2. My boss dislikes me. Had he had more of a choice in the matter, I would not be his employee. I started out at this practice under another Doc- and I am very good at my job- but our personalities clash. I know that my demeanor (chatty, bubbly to annoyance) irks him. He is a very intelligent man, really great Doctor that I totally respect. But, I am who I am- and it is hard to remember to do a 180 in my personality when he is around.It almost seems dishonest. I have felt like I am borderline being fired for a while. I even took down and home all my personal effects, just in case.

3. I love my co-workers, but one of them, Katie- is first time pregnant- and the other Lyndsey has a lot on her plate. So, I know these last minute call outs burn them up.

What to do? A part of me feels guilty- but the other part of me knows these are unavoidable. I don't choose to be a flake- Pitts cannot call out because he makes 3 times the money I do and is on salary. He carries our health benefits and is second in command. At least if I got fired we could still eat. If he did- we'd beyond sink. Any thoughts? Am I as awful of a person as I feel? Maybe it is just time to resign and find other ways to make money. If we sell the house early- we will move in with my parents- then I will definitely resign. Maybe patience is the answer. With a little guilt..